Another One Has Gone

While Jenn was alive we met another mother who was battling a rare cancer.  She had actually gone into remission toward the end of Jenn’s life but early last year it had come back and on Friday night she had lost her battle and had left her loved ones to be with God.

It just brings back alot of old emotions from when Jenn died and I feel like I’m living it all over again.

I did not know her on a very personal level and I had never met her but we had corresponded via email and facebook.  She was always so brave and pro-active in beating her cancer.  When Jenn was alive I had wished that her gung ho attitude would rub off on her.

There is now another child in the world that has lost their mother at a young age.  It’s so sad and so depressing.  All this news of cancer has such a devastating impact on one’s soul.

God bless everyone who’s lost a loved one to cancer.  I feel you.

3rd Christmas with out you

I’ve been thinking about you alot lately.  I still miss you immensely.  If I close my eyes and think hard enough I can still hear your voice in my head.  I’m kind of sad that I didn’t take more pictures of you and with you.  At the time I was trying to be respectful of your wishes and not take pictures but in the back of my mind I knew I would regret it.  I love you and miss you so much!

Summer is doing incredibly well.  She’s doing well at after school, art school, and violin.  You would be so proud of her.  You probably already know without me telling you.  She is also very close to paternal side of the family and we are trying our best to make her life happy and comfortable.  Kisses from here on earth.  Can’t wait to see and touch you again.

Jane

1 year

It’s 1 year today.  It was a Sunday, you didn’t talk much but we were by your side the entire time.  Who knew that you would be leaving us that night.  Now here we are 1 year later still mourning you.  I love you Jenn so much.  Have a happy 1st birthday in Heaven.  I miss you tons.

XOXO

Jane

Avoiding

It’s that time of year to celebrate your first birthday in Heaven but I’ve been avoiding it.  I still have not come to terms with your death and I know I never will.  Of course there are many days that I don’t dwell on it and I can go on living life smiling but in the back of my head all my memories of you still haunt me.  Your friends want to get together to celebrate your Heavenly birthday and I know  you deserve to be celebrated and remembered but I’m not too excited about it.  I’m dreading the next few days because this coming Monday is the day God took you away from us.

Jane

Thank you

Dear Summer,

Thank you for being such an amazing child.  Thank you for being sweet, caring, well behaved, studious, and overall wonderful.  You are a joy to raise and everyone loves you so much.  No matter whatever life throws at you, you have a HUGE family and an infinite amount of aunties and uncles that’ll be there to back you up and catch you when you fall.  I know that no one in this world can ever replace umma but know that your family loves you unconditionally.  You are our blood and bones.  I love you with my entire soul.  Sarang hae baby.

Jane Eemo

Was it you?

It was 5:50 pm in Los Angeles and at least 86 degrees outside and there it was a double rainbow.

I don’t even remember the last time I saw a rainbow.  I’ve been so sad lately thinking about you.

Was it you trying to let me know that it was going to be okay? 

Jane

I’m Free

 

I’m Free

 

Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m Free.

I’m following the path God laid for me,

I took His hand when I heard Him call,

I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day

To laugh, to love, to work, or play.

Tasks left undone must stay that way,

I found that place at the close of the day.

If my parting has left a void

Then fill it with remembered Joy.

A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,

Ah yes, these things, I too, will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow.

I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.

My life’s been full, I savored much:

Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief.

Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.

Lift up your heart and share with me.

God wanted me now, He set me free.

 

~Author unknown~

Doesn’t get easier with time

It’s going on 1 full year since you left and it doesn’t get any easier.  The past few days I’ve been miserable.  I feel sick to my stomach when I realize that you’re not coming back.  This time last year you were getting your lungs drained.  Your body was going through so much trauma then but at the same time I was content that you were still here walking on this earth with us.  It’s selfish of me to wish that you were still here suffering, but it’s the truth. I would rather have you here alive and going through chemo than not.

I miss the feel of your skin, your voice, your gaze, your love, your being.  I’m not whole without you by my side and it KILLS ME knowing that you will NEVER be here.

I wish you were here to see how much Summer has grown.  She’s almost 2/3rd of mom’s height and she knows how to read perfectly now.  I know how much you were worried about that.  She’s doing amazing academically and her personality is turning into a mini you.  She’s so giving and so nurturing just like her mommy was.

Even Dean still remembers you and he misses you so much.  I took him to a Ear, Nose and Throat doctor a few months back.  When we got to the hospital he was convinced that you were there and I had to open the doors to several of the rooms to show him that you weren’t here.  He remember going to the hospital to visit you.  He still thinks you’re in the hospital to this day because you’re sick.  He thinks that you have a nose problem because he remembers you with a nasal cannula.  I hope he never forgets you and he remembers that you loved him as if he was your own son. 

I miss you Jenn so much and not a day goes by that I don’t think about you.  I love you and I hope that you remember me when I go to Heaven.  I love you sweetheart. 

XOXO

Jane

Happy birthday Eddie!

Happy birthday to Eddie, Summer & Dean’s godfather!!!!

Well Done by Passion with Lyrics

I learned about this song through my cousin A and I thought it was the most perfect.  Originally A wanted to sing this at Jenn’s funeral but he couldn’t get through the song without crying so he decided to not do it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eczNekGhDxM&feature=PlayList&p=C29B2901172C4BE5&index=3&playnext=4&playnext_from=PL

Sometimes I don’t understand

Why I thought that I had all the time in the world

To go and see you a while

For just a little while

Too caught up in my own life

I didn’t see the pain you hid with a smile

And now you’re not here with me

Shoulda’ been coulda’ been woulda’ been alright

Wish I knew how to turn back the hands of time

Cause maybe then I’d be here by your side

Wish that I had done just a little more

Wish that I could see you one more time

But I know that God holds your life

Your battle is finally won and He said well done

My faithful servant well done well done

Too many times in our lives

Do we take things for granted

I don’t understand it no

When it’s right in front of our eyes

Thinking they would be here for all times

Wish I knew how to turn back the hands of time

Cause maybe then you’d be here by my side

Wish that I had done just a little more

Wish that I could see you one more time

But I know that God holds your life

Your battle is finally won

Wish that I had done just a little more for you

Wish that I could see you one more time

But I know that God holds your life

Your battle is finally won

Wish I knew how to turn back the hands of time

Cause maybe then I’d be here by your side

Wish that I had done just a little more for you

Wish that I could see you one more time

But I know that God holds your life

Your battle is finally won and He said well done

My faithful servant well done

And God said well done

Oh sister well done

And He said well done