Was it you?

•September 30, 2010 • 1 Comment

It was 5:50 pm in Los Angeles and at least 86 degrees outside and there it was a double rainbow.

I don’t even remember the last time I saw a rainbow.  I’ve been so sad lately thinking about you.

Was it you trying to let me know that it was going to be okay? 

Jane

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I’m Free

•September 30, 2010 • 1 Comment

 

I’m Free

 
Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m Free.
I’m following the path God laid for me,
I took His hand when I heard Him call,
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work, or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way,
I found that place at the close of the day.
If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered Joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Ah yes, these things, I too, will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow.
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life’s been full, I savored much:
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief.
Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me.
God wanted me now, He set me free.
 
~Author unknown~

Doesn’t get easier with time

•September 29, 2010 • 1 Comment

It’s going on 1 full year since you left and it doesn’t get any easier.  The past few days I’ve been miserable.  I feel sick to my stomach when I realize that you’re not coming back.  This time last year you were getting your lungs drained.  Your body was going through so much trauma then but at the same time I was content that you were still here walking on this earth with us.  It’s selfish of me to wish that you were still here suffering, but it’s the truth. I would rather have you here alive and going through chemo than not.

I miss the feel of your skin, your voice, your gaze, your love, your being.  I’m not whole without you by my side and it KILLS ME knowing that you will NEVER be here.

I wish you were here to see how much Summer has grown.  She’s almost 2/3rd of mom’s height and she knows how to read perfectly now.  I know how much you were worried about that.  She’s doing amazing academically and her personality is turning into a mini you.  She’s so giving and so nurturing just like her mommy was.

Even Dean still remembers you and he misses you so much.  I took him to a Ear, Nose and Throat doctor a few months back.  When we got to the hospital he was convinced that you were there and I had to open the doors to several of the rooms to show him that you weren’t here.  He remember going to the hospital to visit you.  He still thinks you’re in the hospital to this day because you’re sick.  He thinks that you have a nose problem because he remembers you with a nasal cannula.  I hope he never forgets you and he remembers that you loved him as if he was your own son. 

I miss you Jenn so much and not a day goes by that I don’t think about you.  I love you and I hope that you remember me when I go to Heaven.  I love you sweetheart. 

XOXO

Jane

Well Done by Passion with Lyrics

•December 9, 2009 • 4 Comments

I learned about this song through my cousin A and I thought it was the most perfect.  Originally A wanted to sing this at Jenn’s funeral but he couldn’t get through the song without crying so he decided to not do it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eczNekGhDxM&feature=PlayList&p=C29B2901172C4BE5&index=3&playnext=4&playnext_from=PL

Sometimes I don’t understand

Why I thought that I had all the time in the world

To go and see you a while

For just a little while

Too caught up in my own life

I didn’t see the pain you hid with a smile

And now you’re not here with me

Shoulda’ been coulda’ been woulda’ been alright

Wish I knew how to turn back the hands of time

Cause maybe then I’d be here by your side

Wish that I had done just a little more

Wish that I could see you one more time

But I know that God holds your life

Your battle is finally won and He said well done

My faithful servant well done well done

Too many times in our lives

Do we take things for granted

I don’t understand it no

When it’s right in front of our eyes

Thinking they would be here for all times

Wish I knew how to turn back the hands of time

Cause maybe then you’d be here by my side

Wish that I had done just a little more

Wish that I could see you one more time

But I know that God holds your life

Your battle is finally won

Wish that I had done just a little more for you

Wish that I could see you one more time

But I know that God holds your life

Your battle is finally won

Wish I knew how to turn back the hands of time

Cause maybe then I’d be here by your side

Wish that I had done just a little more for you

Wish that I could see you one more time

But I know that God holds your life

Your battle is finally won and He said well done

My faithful servant well done

And God said well done

Oh sister well done

And He said well done

I feel so empty without you

•December 7, 2009 • 1 Comment

I feel so empty without you

Jenn’s Funeral Service & Burial Info

•November 25, 2009 • 2 Comments

♥ Jenn’s morning service will be tomorrow, 11/25/09 @ 10am sharp! California Mortuary, 9830 Lakewood Blvd. Downey, CA 90240 & her burial will be @ 11:30am @ Rose Hills Memorial Park in Whittier, CA ♥

Missing you

•November 25, 2009 • 2 Comments

Jenn,

I miss you.  I miss your face, your hugs, your kisses, your smell, your phone calls.  How am I supposed to get through this life without you?  Help me, bring peace to my heart because it’s aching for you.  I would give anything to have you back but I know that that’s not possible.  I don’t understand what I was supposed to learn from all this and I’m not sure I ever will.  What am I going to do babe without you by my side?  You were better than any one person in my life.  You were my sister, best friend, companion and I love you so much and I miss you terribly.  I don’t know how I’m going to get through tomorrow when we bury you.  =*(  Your life was so short and so tragic.  I’m sorry that you were not able to travel and see the world, get a degree and have  a career.  I’m sorry that you won’t be able to raise Summer, watch her grow up into a beautiful young woman, see you get married, and raise her babies.  I’m sorry babe that I couldn’t save you.  I’ll always have that guilt inside.  I’m sorry that I never took you to your chemo sessions.  I’m sorry I took you for granted.  I’m sorry that I lived in denial about your disease, keeping me from savoring every moment with you.  Forgive me Jenn for everything.  I love you so damn much and I just don’t know how to let you go.  I don’t want to let you go.  Please God bring Jenn back to me. 

I have a favor to ask.  Please come visit me every night  in my dreams.  Don’t ever let me forget your smell, your touch, and your voice.  I love you Jenn help me get through this misery and pain.

No one person can understand the depth of our love.  You were my rock, my best friend, my sister, and the #1 assistant in the world. 

I love you babe with all the cells in my body, from my head to my toe, my spirit, my mind, and my all.  I couldn’t have asked for a better sister.  I hope that in my next life you are born again as my little sister and that we can actually grow old together the second time around.  I love you Jenn!  Shine your love down on me and let me know that you are with me.

You promised to protect me from Heaven so please take away this misery.

I promise to take care of Summer like my own.  I promise that she will have a full, wonderful, and as privileged of a life as I can give her.  I’m sending you all my love to Heaven.

Loves and kisses from your big sister,

Jane